Get Your Ex Back Blog

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• 1. Cristina  |  September 7th, 2007 at 3:25 pm

  Hello. I have been to several blogs and they all say create some space, don’t call, etc., if you want your ex-boyfriend back. I did all of the “wrong” things after the initial break-up and those things didn’t work. I took the advice from the blogs and I stopped calling, texting, emailing, and I have not logged onto IM. My ex-boyfriend has been calling me and texting me non-stop for a week now. He even resorted to emails,which he never does. So he’s pretty much texting, emailing, leaving vm messages, and staying on IM for hours after his usual log-off time. Before, he ignored me, sent short answers to my txt messages & IM’s and never called me at night or on weekends. Now it’s just the opposite. (In his defense, I did ask him not to call me when he’s been drinking, several months before the break-up). We broke up more than 2 months ago. I have seen him once — he asked me to met him for lunch a month ago. The problem is, now I’m stuck because I have no idea when I should return his calls, texts, and emails and I have no idea what to say. How much longer do I need to ignore his calls for this to work? I do want to get back together and work on the relationship (slowly). Please note that this was not a 2-month relationship. We were together for more than 12 years and we constantly said to one another that we would be together forever. He needed counseling for anxiety issues and other mental health issues, and his numerous attempts at finding a career HE can be happy with have all failed. The break-up was about “space” for him to seek counseling (which is actually a positive thing) AND also for him to feel free to “drink & have fun” for the summer without feeling guilty or responsible (as he said I made him feel). The drinking part, I think, is counterproductive to any progress with his mental/career issues. My career took off several years ago (started making more money than him & had more responsibility) and I stopped going out so much because I wanted to focus on my work. This was also a problem as he talked about this regularly. He mentioned that he is seeing a psychiatrist and a career counselor. The reason for the background on this is, I don’t want people to say “just move on,” or “he’s a loser.” It’s really not that cut & dry. He’s educated, smart, funny, and he does have a professional career as an Art Director (he is still unhappy with this). Also, we’re talking about a 12+ year relationship with someone who is my best friend in the world (and he feels the same way). He’s a part of the family and the relationship is worth saving. Our issues had nothing to do with physical abuse or infidelity. Thanks in advance for all comments and advice.

• 2. Pam  |  October 31st, 2007 at 12:36 am

  I know how all of you feel. My 33 yr. marriage came to an end in Sept. of this year. He asked me to leave last January. I have never seen anyone go so cold in my life. He would sometimes say, since the breakup that maybe someday we’d get together again, then he’d say “Not in this lifetime”. I did nothing wrong….just doing my best todeal with a husband who spent more time gone than home…playing music and hanging with friends at a bar. No, no girlfriend. Despite all of this…our total time together was 38 years…met when we were 15, I want him back so badly it hurts. At our ages now….52 and 53, it would be “our” time….kids are grown and gone. He picked a really lousey time to dump me. I tried the pleading stuff…….made him worse. So, I have been reading a lot about not doing that or talking to him much and I am going to give it a try. I want him back bad enough to do whatever any sound advice suggests! Good luck to anyone in this position. Its sure does hurt!!

• 3. diane ciaramella  |  November 8th, 2007 at 7:30 pm

  I have been with my boyfriend for eight years now and wanted a commitment. I have a son with special needs. My boyfriend told me that we wants to get out of the relationship. He is tired of revolving around my kids and my ex-husband. He says he is not ready to marry anyone right now. Do I call him? What should I do I love him and miss him. Today I broke down and called him to ask him if he misses me and he got mad and called me dense for calling him when I know he is getting ready for work. It is time to let go isn’t it? It is so hard on me and my son misses him. We were together for eight years but were friends for 12 years before that. How could this happen? Any advice on my next step. How do I forget a 20 year relationship that easy. I’m so depressed.
  Please help.

• 4. Chris b  |  December 9th, 2007 at 12:38 pm

  geez i feel so guilty feeling as bad as i do with my 5 year relationship on the rocks. its just that after 5 years i feel so alone and miserable without her now. she brought life to everything i did. we broke up over the usual worries, money, bills etc, and i let her go and move to atlanta to get us some space to try and figure things out. now i come to find that this guy in atlanta whos been after her all these years has come into the picture. i tried to give her spaces so we could work on our relationship, not so he could come in and be a homewrecker. it seems these past few months that every honest thing i have done has led to her being further and further from me.

  she is my light and i feel like everything i have learned abut myself from this, every accomplishment has been for nothing without her there to share it with me..dear god.

  my thoughts and prayers are with you all.

  -crispy

• 5. DJ  |  December 31st, 2007 at 7:29 am

  Hi my name is DJ and i was with my ex for a year off and on i know that, that not as long as some of you all but anyway he has lied, cheated and got his ex girlfriend pregante while we were dating and that really broke my heart. I have given him chance after chance for him to get his act together and after a while he did but he didnt realize that until i continued to be around him like spendig the nights at his house every weekend and sometimes on weekdays, I cleaned after him, cooked for him i did all of those things and more. Well now he and i are broken up because i was at his house on the computer taking to this guy that i went to school wit about his relationshio well my ex didnt like that, thats one incedent then we went to the mall and i saw this guy that i use to be friends with and realize that my ex was standing right next to me and i didnt allow them to meet eachother so he got mad, Then the last problem was i have a bestfriend who is a dude and i went to him and vented oneday while was actually a couple days ago and i said somethings in text messages that he and I were writing to each other, But i was just stating how i felt and he couldnt understant that, Him ex that he got preagent had and abrotions but thats wasnt the problem if he had of stop talking and having sex with her then maybe we wouldnt be having the problems that we have. He has asked me to tell all of the dudes that were calling my phone to stop calling and i did but he could and wouldnt tell them to stop calling and i thought that that wasnt fear at all but i dealt with it and we moved on in out relationship, Now that we are broken up he still asks me to stay the night at his house. He still tells me that he loves me and all of that good little stuff but he can just go out and and sex with other girls meaning his 2 exs. I think that thats not right at all because thats just something you dont do wen you are still telling someone that you love them and he is doing all of this stuff and told me that i cant do it so how is it that you he can do it and i cant although i wouldnt, See and the thing is he want let out broken up relationship have any place.

  So i was wondering if I could have some up from somebody to help me get my baby back because his wrongs are wrost than mine dont you think cause thats what i think. SO HELP PLEASE i want him back.

• 6. Penny  |  January 5th, 2008 at 6:34 pm

  To all of the above, I would empathise and also wish you luck if getting your ex back is the right thing to happen.
  It’s true that “leaving space” is the “standard” advice and in fact that what we suggest at how to get your ex back and very often it does seem to be the catalyst to provoke a response in the ex. Apearing depressed just lets them know that they don’t need to do anything. When they realise that they might actually have really lost you, suddenly it’s a different story.
  it’s not easy keeping your distance when all you want is to be with someone, but it’s an important step. And it gives you space for yourself too. That’s important; it’s easy to let yourself slide and that doesn’t help your cause either.
  Good luck,
  Penny

• 7. brokenhearted  |  April 7th, 2008 at 11:32 am

  my boyfriend broke up with me after 1yr and 2 months and like the rest i cryed on the fone called him every day and pleaded and pushed for an response. The thing is he said that he wanted ’space’ and that he still doesnt no whether he wants to b with me. He is also vey over protective and has actually made me reconsidered the places i go and things i do. Although this has not been the first time he has broken up with me I feel this time its for sure. EVERYBODY has told me to leave him and stop calling him but i cant help it, however i want him back and realise that MAY be a way to make him miss me. However i think in my case he doesnt care any more and wont want me back. I feel for everyone in this position.To make it worse i have exams in 2 months and cant get this off my mind. There is one thing you should consider when trying these techniques is that do you really want some one who treats you like this to start with, I no love is a powerful thing and you will do anything for that person, but everyone deserves to be treated with respect and love and it shudnt b one way and im sure that there is some one out there. I just hope that everyone relationships work out and they are truely happy in where they are in life. I pray and cry every night that he’ll come back to me and i do the same for all of you. x

• 8. Temika  |  April 11th, 2008 at 3:30 am

  My stories too long to tell but I had 13 years with the love of my life now there’s a baby and a slut that won’t go away. He says that he loves me, doesn’t want to be with her, he messed up everything but doesn’t regret his baby. We’ve been broken up since 2005 but I can’t seem to shake him. I feel so bad and I don’t think the pain is ever gonna go away. He has basically forced me into not answering his calls, I’m even trying to get a job and move 10 hours away just to be done with the whole thing. I’m exhausted from the pain of the whole situation. I mean, he calls me just to say “I been thinking about you and I love you” but we never see each other. I don’t know what else to do, I’m just tired and I want to give up. Good luck to everyone, I hope your situations get worked out.

• 9. Tim  |  April 17th, 2008 at 6:26 am

  Reading everyone’s comments makes me want to give all of you a big hug. I know it’s tough. Been there, done that. Tried everything possible to get back with my ex: pleaded, begged, bargained, etc. Eventually decided that there was no other option left but to get on with my life and try to forget her. I slipped up a few times. I drove by her house one evening and, sadly, I saw her embracing another man. Made me cry for hours but, you know, it was also helpful to me in a lot of ways, because it forced me into the realization that she had moved on — and so should I. I found someone else who was PERFECT for me a month later, and wouldn’t you know it … my ex found out that I was seeing someone else and wrote me a letter in which she said that she was mourning our relationship, feeling like she had made a mistake, and wanted to get back together. So, here’s the thing … I’ve come to love the new person that I’m seeing. I’m a stronger, more independent, happier person now. But a part of me still loves my ex and misses her friendship. I don’t think it’s fair to abandon my new girlfriend because my ex finally figured out what I knew a year ago. But it’s tough not to be at least a little tempted to relive the past. So, to all of you who hope to get back with our ex’s, have you considered the possibility that there is somebody even better out there for you? Because, odds are, if you broke up with your ex, there was something missing in that relationship — and perhaps the breakup did you a favor, even if it’s not apparent why yet. If I could offer any advice, I’d recommend that you try to move on, if only to preserve your self-esteem and well-being. You deserve to be happy. If someone can’t appreciate what a wonderful person you are, find someone who will. Yes, you will always have memories to look back on … but why not work through the grief process, move forward, and make new memories? I would wish all of you luck, but luck really doesn’t have anything to do with it. We all have the power to make choices about our lives. There is no one else like you. Choose happiness.

• 10. Billy in NJ  |  June 27th, 2008 at 8:32 pm

  Diane,

  you need to dump the chump. He’s not and will probally never be ready for commitment.

  PS I knew a Diane C in jersey, I hope it’s not you as you deserve better

• 11. Terri  |  July 25th, 2008 at 5:21 am

  I feel for you all. I understand what everyone is goin through. This is the first time in my life that one of my ex’s wanted me back. I am currently with someone else who makes me happy to an extent. He does treat me very good and is truly genuine in what he tells me. Hes older and has his life together. Before I found out that my ex even wanted me back I didn’t know if I really loved my current b/c as much as he did for me. I was only w/ my ex for 6months, which i know was not a very long time, but we had picked out a ring at the end of last year. Then a huge bomb happened. His daughter was molested by the ex wife’s b/f. He needed a place to keep all three of his kids. So he took the easy way out and went back to his ex g/f who had her own house and the kids knew her. They had only met me once. I caught him at her house late one night and i broke up w/ him. We then got back together a week later. Then after that he ignored my phone calls. I gave up a few days after that to contact him. A few months later we would see each other at racing events every weekend. We both looked at each other all the time. Then 2wks ago he talked to my best friend and told her that he still loved me and dreams about me and still has my number. Well i txted him why he said those things and he said “why say something that aint true” Well we are talking now and i have told my current b/f. I dont lie and dont keep secrets. so my deliema is whether i should stay w/ my current b/f or take my ex back. Im afraid to make a mistake and pick the wrong one. Im almost to the point where i will be single and see who i miss the most. I know someone is goin to get hurt and it will be my decision. I dont want to hurt anyone b/c ive been there many times. I hope this lets you all know that you are not alone in your situations. I wish everyone the best in their decision. Bless you all!!! -terri in tennessee

• 12. chris  |  October 31st, 2008 at 5:05 am

  I was in a relationship for 3 years with my ex, she recently broke up with me claiming she wanted “SPACE”. That dreaded word every man hates because they don’t understand why. She wanted me to move out, and for 2 weeks i balked, i stayed around because i really didn’t have any place to go to and i really didn’t want to bother my father to move in with him 30 miles away. After the first 2 weeks, things were like i was the invisable man there, she barely talked to me, we did go to places together, hung out, went to dinner, but it was different, finally i moved out, went to find out she changed the locks on the door so i couldn’t get in, not like i was going to go there, i knew she wanted space and i was going to give it to her. Its been 3 weeks since i have living with my father, we talk sometimes, never bout us, or where our relationship lies, its mostly me that calls her here and there, she never calls me, or texts me. I cry alot because i miss her so much and want everything back, i can live with the fact that i live apart from her, i can’t live with the fact that i am not with her, that our future is either on hold, or done.. i love her so much it hurts to think of her sometimes. I have given her space, i try not to text, call or email her that i miss her anymore, i just don’t know what to do anymore, I want her back in my life again, and not as friends, i wanted to marry her, we talked bout it, but i never asked her, i was saving for the ring. I don’t want to go another day thinking that she has moved on and don’t want to tell me because she knows it’ll hurt me.

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