Expressing Love Without Neediness
The emotion of love brings with it countless twists and turns.
Those under its sway report mood swings and uncontrollable behaviors. During those times, normal expressions of care create an unstable environment. Though sounding counter intuitive, the madness of love makes people say and do things they might not otherwise. Misunderstandings occur most frequently when rocky times buffet the relationship. After a break up, a partner may receive a rebuff from a previously adoring loved one. How can love be offered without leading to greater distance? Let’s see how it is possible.
First, a clear definition of neediness is necessary. The word itself denotes a condition of want, need, poverty or indigence. In the state of lack, people behave differently than they might when all their needs are fulfilled. Think of someone under the stresses of extreme hunger. They consume things regardless of how healthy they might be because of their blind need for calories. This can happen emotionally as well.
Manifestations of Neediness
Expressing love while in need carries a yawning maw of emptiness. No matter how much love one puts into it or hears care and concern back, they never feel full. Part of this is because they seek to use their love for a partner in lieu of their own self worth.
* Filling Oneself: Saying things like “I love you” may be rubbing a deep wound of unrequited affection from the far past. This attempt puts too much pressure on a partner and projects neediness.
* Outside Approval: More than just traditional love, approval or value can be bolstered by the presence of a partner. Sensations of being undervalued lurk just out of sight.
* Lacking Separation: Loss of status by no longer being part of a couple causes pain. The emotional pain may lead to clinging onto a relationship out of fear of being alone.
Expressions of Love
Variety proves to be one of the beautiful characteristics of love. As there are infinite people feeling countless things in the world, love pours forth in a myriad of ways. It is up to the person to find the things with the power to speak to their partner. Sometimes the act will require work. Other times love drips from them like fresh honey from a honeycomb.
Gifts, actions and words demonstrates one’s deep love in numerous ways. Expressions of love must be tempered. Hearing “I love you” too much will dull a partner to the true meaning of the words. Conversely, a partner saying “I am only happy when you love me” places far too much pressure on the receiver. Gifts and actions carry the same potential to damage relationships rather that allow them to grow.
Taking time, allowing space and checking one’s motivation creates a relationship, even one recovered from a break up, where love can flourish. Use the variety of love to capture all the ways a partner encapsulates the things they mean. A healthy relationship lasts for a long time. This means every expression of love can be an exploration into the endless array of the powerful feeling. Say “I love you” a new way everyday.